


if my heart was still mine

by kathleenfergie



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: 5a, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood and Gore, Emotional, F/M, Female Friendship, Orpheus and Eurydice Myth, Season/Series 05, The Underworld, Violence, it's emotional, regina and emma go down to save captain guyliner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 09:59:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6324658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kathleenfergie/pseuds/kathleenfergie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>i would go to the bottom and apologize to you until the day it went rotten</i>
</p><p>“I don’t need babysitting.”<br/>“That’s not quite true, Emma,” Persephone purses her lips, humming. “My husband’s quite opposed to losing souls and I’d rather not deal with the fallout of you carting your pirate back across the Styx.<br/>“He’s quite pretty,” she smirks, chuckling. “Hades likes the pretty ones.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	if my heart was still mine

**Author's Note:**

> tfw ur headcanon hades has aleady played jafar in ouatiw. 
> 
> naveen andrews is bae. my image of persephone also comes from the 100 days of night comic, which is so good and beautiful. a young gina torres.
> 
> also i know i used the pim stones' "we have it all" for that 100 fic i wrote but like fuck it the song applies too well to cs. it's also beautiful please listen to it and cry with me. somebody hold me. 
> 
> but yeah, i really hate the whole 'let's take a family roadtrip to hell' kind of thing so the smartest option would to just send emma and regina down and leave those who have small babies at home. just casually leaving your infant with nun faeries. henry has school, honestly.
> 
> anyway, yeah. emotional emma going down to get killian. regina being the ultimate bff and loving support. it's kind of weird and maybe choppy and maybe i suck at writing regina and she's too ooc but hey whatever i enjoyed this fic and i'm putting it out there anyway. 
> 
> im convinced regina loves emma so much even like in the show. this is an issue that happens in tv bc ppl are always like 'u can only love one person at a time!!' and im like nah i fall in love with people very easily, in a very platonic but intimate way. so like regina is still with robin and raising a litter but she also just feels an overwhelming love and admiration for emma. they are friends. friends love each other. why is this a hard concept ever
> 
> i own nothing. perse pronounced "percy"

Regina follows you into the Underworld, hair thrown back by the thick mist. You can feel the hairs on the nape of your neck start to curl and despite the humidity, you hug red leather close to your skin. She's got Rumple's dagger, the old sorcerer's blood crusting on the serpentine edges and in the grooves that make his name. Charon has left you two to find your way through the dark, damp Underworld and in the quick black between worlds, you can hear his paddle on the River Styx.

Nighttime awaits you, a slight breeze rushing through you as Storybrooke stares back at you. There are no neon sign flashes, every street light blown out or flickering. Regina says your name but you are too busy searching for any sign of Killian, boots slapping against cracked pavement. You pass the spot where the darkness swallowed you and can't bear to look at the scorch marks.

"I wonder what name Henry would come up with for this place," Regina muses out loud, eyes drifting back and forth. She stuffs her hands into her coat pockets and sighs, following you. "Nightbrooke?"

"Underbrooke, actually," a velvet voice interrupts from around a corner. You stop short at the sight of a woman with dark skin and brilliant curls, staring back. Her honey eyes shine with something you don't quite like and she smiles brightly. "He'd call it Underbrooke."

"How would you know?" You ask, warning clear in your voice.

"I'm a goddess, darling," the woman answers, crossing her arms. Her hands are decorated with gold and silver bands, a ruby-studded wedding ring on the left one. "I had Morpheus look in on the boy's dreams as a favor to the both of you. I'm sure you're already worried."

She narrowed her eyes, this time baring her teeth instead of smiling. "Two of the most powerful witches trapped down below. I wonder what terrible event has already happened with you ladies gone."

"And you are?" Regina cuts in, eyebrow raised.

"Call me Perse," she said, leaning against the brick wall she'd appeared next to. "Hades asked me to watch you." You put the pieces together and have to convince yourself that you are in fact meeting the Queen of the Underworld and not back home behind your white picket fence, passed out from exhaustion and overwhelming heartache.

"I don't need babysitting."

"That's not quite true, Orpheus," Persephone purses her lips, humming. "My husband's quite opposed to losing souls and I'd rather not deal with the fallout of you carting your pirate back across the Styx.

"He's quite pretty," she smirks, chuckling. "Hades likes the pretty ones."

You clench both fists and hold back the boiling fire that forms in your chest, side eyeing Regina and finding her in a similar position. Persephone continues to smile and inspects you. She sighs in amusement before pushing off the wall and coming forward, invading your personal space.

"I'm all for true love, darling, I _really_ am," she says. "But he's lived enough lifetimes. Let the man rest."

"Go to hell," you bite out and she laughs in your face, cheeks pinking. You can practically feel Regina's eyeroll at your words.

"I'll be around, Orpheus. Try not to muck up my world too much."

She's gone, fading into the night before your eyes. You let flames lick your finger tips and grit your teeth, a rumbling sound emitting from your mouth. Regina places a hand on your arm, squeezing it briefly but holding on until your fit is over. Had you been the Dark One still, it would have taken longer to subside, but you don't feel half the rage you did as an immortal.

"Come," she prods, coming near. Your eyes are trained at the cement sidewalk and she peers through your blonde curtain, kind stare almost comforting. "Let's find your Eurydice."

* * *

So far there's been no sign of any souls, but you can hear their whispers. It reminds you of the dagger's call, thankfully silent at the moment. Regina has it tucked in her breast pocket, the shape of it stark against her smooth exterior. She's already proposed offering the dagger as trade for Killian and you'd find the idea enticing if you didn't know that Rumplestiltskin would rain hell on the both of your families. You shiver at the idea of being Hade's servant.

You catch glimpses of creatures in windows every so often, their strange faces pressed against the glass and then gone in seconds. Persephone hasn't shown herself in hours, but you've barely made progress.

Regina finds it morbid that Underbrooke still comes with its very own graveyard, but scours it thoroughly nonetheless, finding you paralyzed in front of an unfamiliar stone. A too familiar name glares back at you, the carved letters sending a sharp pain through you. Killian Jones, with no epitaph or dates. One day you'll ask him how old he really is, but it's more than likely that he doesn't know.

"It's the effect of this place, Emma," Regina tries, face blocking your view of the headstone. "It's alright. He's fine. You'll bring him home."

"You said that in the myth Orpheus fails. That Eurydice goes back to the Underworld." You choke on your words, the story foreign on your tongue. You were never a scholar, never had the benefit of an intelligent and explorative child quizzing you on every exciting fact. "Persephone called me Orpheus, so she must know that I can't get him back."

"Stop," Regina commands softly. "I'll not leave the Underworld until half of your heart is in his chest and you're all teary. I've already prepared myself for it." She offers a small smile and you return it, the corners of your mouth turning up weakly.

"Let's go search the docks. If the Jolly is docked, he can't be far."

* * *

Regina sees Graham on the way and you have to keep her from having an anxiety attack outside Granny's. She gasps and falls back a few steps, hand over her mouth and a pained look in her eyes. She says his name once but then clamps her hand down, a muffled noise coming out. You grab her by the elbows and force her to look at you.

"He's not real," you tell her and don't know if it's the truth, eyes pulling her gaze to you.

"Shit," she mutters uncharacteristically and you nod at the sentiment.

"Is he gone?" You ask after a few moments and she shuts her eyes, head bobbing up and down. "It was probably a trick, Regina."

"I know. I know," she repeats, exhaling. "It's still quite jarring to see the man you assaulted and murdered."

You say nothing because you're not good at comfort, but still hold onto her and wait until her voice clears up and there are no more tears pebbling behind her eyelashes. She shakes you off softly and continues toward the docks, hands stiff at her sides and steps hurried. You have to push out memories of him dying in your arms, remembering the feeling of his gentle touch in those last few moments.

"Please, stop thinking about it," she calls behind her. "I can practically hear you."

"Sorry," you say dumbly and catch up.

You don't find him on the Jolly and plop yourself down in his desk chair, head in your hands. Regina stares at his cabin and inspects all of his items, strewn around. Above, in Storybrooke, his ship lies in pristine condition while this one is in ruins. There's a hole blow through the cabin window and ripped charts travel a couple feet everytime a breeze runs through.

"Hades must be hiding him," you say, head still trained at the floorboards. "Either that or he's at the Rabbit Hole. God knows the Underworld must be stocked with rum."

You can feel Regina turn and begin to watch you. You know you look like a mess, hair mussed from a night of fitfull sleep and day spent numb in the living room. You reach for the ring around your neck, the chain cold against your palm. You slip a finger into it and spin it over and over, the motion calming. You miss Killian and all you can see when you close your eyes is the blank look in his eyes as they took him away on a stretcher.

Henry wanted to stay with you last night but you went home empty and alone, locking every window and door in your house before attempting to sleep. The bed was too big and you were too small, toes and fingertips cold without Killian's hot skin. He used to tell you that all Jones boys had fiery blood anytime you complained under Camelot's summer weather.

You remember the suffocating heat of Neverland's jungle and couldn't imagine surviving centuries there.

Eventually you look up and meet Regina's concerned gaze, knowing how dark the bags under you eyes must be. She sighs and gestures toward the ladder.

"Come on, let's go to my house and get some sleep. If we're lucky, my wine cellar will be intact."

* * *

"Emma, I swear to god if you don't stop pacing and lie down, I'm putting you under a sleeping curse." It's not a weak threat and you're half convinced she'll actually do it, but you can't stop your movements, feet padding against the carpet in the upstairs hallway. You chew at your nails and feel the sting of one or two ripped cuticles.

The queen forcibly stills you, and you turn your head to look at her, hair pulled back and free from your gaze. She's got a trademark pair of silk pajamas on and you have to laugh a the simple familiarity of it all. You've shed your coat and sweater for your tank top and leggings, socks on your feet. You're cold but you don't have the strength to cover up.

"I can't," you reply weakly and attempt to pull away, but her grip is too firm. Your entire body shakes and you falter. "Everytime I close my eyes I just see him dead."

"And that's all you'll see for the rest of your life if you don't sleep and are too tired to fight Hades. I'm not bringing you back to Storybrooke like this, Emma." She bores her chocolate eyes into yours and tugs against your arm, beginning to lead you toward her bedroom. "I'll spell your mind once you're asleep and put something sappy in there. If you don't do it willingly, I'm knocking you out."

You follow, head numb and chest throbbing. Your heart beats violently inside your ribs, pulsing and aching with every moment that passes.

"I'm not one for sleepovers," you mutter, crawling onto her mattress and shoving your feet under the covers. She climbs in next to you, leaning against the headboard. She pulls the blankets over her legs and grabbing your head, places it in her lap. "Regina," you complain and she hushes you.

"Shut up and accept the comfort, Emma. I used to do this with Henry when he was younger."

"That doesn't make me feel any better," you say, closing your eyes and moving into a comfortable position. You've never cuddled with the Evil Queen, but it's one more thing you can tick off the bucket list you didn't know you had. You can't imagine anything like this happening four years ago when she consistently attempted to kill you.

"What would you like to dream about?" She asks quietly, fingers on your temple. You can feel her magic pulsate against your skin and it's oddly nice.

"The first ball in Camelot," you mumble tiredly. "You know, before the attempt on your life."

She laughs briefly and you fall asleep with the sound of music in your ears and the image of your pirate prince spinning you across the marble dancefloor.

* * *

Days pass and Persephone visits you six more times. She follows the two of you around Underbrooke, humming her way through the woods and tapping ringed fingers against the toll bridge railing. You search all of Storybrooke for Killian, every door opened and secret place searched. Regina teaches you revealing spells and you learn about all the hidden parts of Storybrooke.

You store them in your brain to show Henry later, if he hasn't already catalogued them in a journal somewhere.

Regina refuses to split up, won't leave you alone. It amazes and confuses you how much she has grown to love you in the last few months. There were so many times in Camelot where you would short out and burst with magic, and Regina's hands were always there to keep the explosion in. In Underbrooke, she follows your hazy walks down to Killian's boat, pathetically hugging one of his jackets up to your neck. You cry far too often and Regina thumbs away tears.

"Why?" You ask after it happens too many times, catching her hand in yours, eyes spilling and throat clenched.

"You let go of everything for me. Your family. The love of your life." Regina pauses, chocolate eyes darting around, looking anywhere but at you. "Your _soul_ , Emma. For me."

"You'd come so far." You say numbly. "I couldn't let you do it at all again. Again."

Regina laughs wetly, clearing her throat and tucking hair behind one ear. "By some confusing and satirical twist of fate, Emma Swan, we're family. My entire family, besides Henry, has been gone for a long time. But you came into town, ripped everything apart, and gave me a home and love. And family.

"How can I not love someone like that?" She traces your cheek one more time before pulling you into a tight hug. It is too much and there are sobs wracking your chest, lungs heaving.

* * *

You miss the way you were able to easily wield magic back in the real world. In Underbrooke, your hands sputter and fade, leaving no effect on anything. In the beginning, you still had spark, but the both of you have been below for too long and are struggling. Regina grits her teeth as she cranks the rusty and old elevator down the shaft. You stand guard with a sword, hand on the door.

It clanks its way to the bottom and deposits you in the dark caverns, torches burnt out and freshly wafting smoke. You have not met the god of the Underworld yet but you assume he's known everything from the beginning.

You both pull out your phones and set the flashlights on the abyss that waits for you. Years ago it had been Maleficent and now it was the man holding your True Love hostage. It was as equally dramatic as the first time, you decide. You lead the way, sword extended as Regina wields her own. You have never seen her use a physical weapon and it is an interesting look.

You follow the smell of the torches toward the sound of rushing water, faint whispers carted off of the rapids. Henry had mentioned that there was more than one river in the Underworld and you wondered which one waited for you. The one for lost souls sounded appropriate, but that was a thought you shoved aside.

"How is everything going, darlings?" Persephone inquires, stepping out of the shadows to your side. You've become accustomed to her interuptions but still wince, fingers tightening on the hilt of your father's sword.

"Amazing," you reply, teeth clenched. "How's your husband?"

"He's enjoying your pirate at the moment while you two wander around. Hades asked me to fetch you." Persephone flicked a smile back at Regina, who raised one deadly eyebrow but said nothing. "It's time for the finale, darling Emma."

"I'm glad we're on the same page."

* * *

"See, Emma," Hades begins and you tug at the hot chains that encircles your wrists and forearms. A handful of the bastard's servants tied you up to the statue of an angel, its sharp angles digging into your skin. Regina was in a similar situation, but Hades had her under a silencing spell. "I learned a fun little trick years ago with hearts."

He'd vanished your jack earlier, leaving you in your tank top. He held a knife in his hand and pointed it toward your heart, gliding it across your skin. You let out a few cries as the blade goes deeper, slicing through muscle.

"All you have to do is go through the chest physically and grab the heart with a different spell. It's essentially the same experience but this one involves a lot more blood, as is something I prefer." Hades discarded the knife on a stone altar, pulling his right sleeve back and reaching toward the gaping hole he made.

You focus your gaze on Killian as his fingers enter your chest, worming their way through flesh and bone. He breaks two of your ribs to get his fist around your heart and you attempt not to vomit, screaming out against the god. Killian is also silent but you can see through your tears that he thrashes against his full body restraints.

The pain keeps flashing as Hades sears a spell into your heart, detaching it from your body and pulling his blood drenched hand out, smiling smugly. Instead of the usual glowing, glass fragile hearts that you have seen before, he literally holds an organ inside his palm, squeezing it like he's at the supermarket. You feel a tug in your throat and cough up a mouthful of blood.

"Perse, my love," he asks his wife, who has perched herself in a highbacked chair near her husband's altar. "Disect this for me, darling." He tossed your heart nonchalantly and Persephone caught it, hands reddening.

She pressed a small kiss to it and your insides burned. You sobbed uncontrollably from shock and watched as Persephone pressed an ornate knife to your heart slicing through it a few times. Your body convulsed and you could feel the wetness of blood on many different parts of yourself. You had no strength to hold in any tears or screams, echoing against the walls of Hades' cavern.

As it subsided, Hades performed a large amount of magic on the pieces of your heart.

"I've decided to let you leave the Underworld with your love and the queen," he told her, toothy grin on his face. "But in return I require a part of you as payment. I took inspiration from your plan to split your heart in two to give Killian Jones half of it, and added an extra split. I keep a piece of your heart, Emma Swan, and the three of you go home, safe passage included."

He looked at you, still smiling, for a few silent moments before strolling over to Killian and whispering something inaudible into his ear. Killian's eyes widened before he shut them and clenched his jaw, blocking Hades out. The god did a similar trick on Regina before returning to where his wife held out your heart to him. You could see the definite three parts, gagging slightly.

"Do you have a prefference to which vetricle you'd like, Emma?" He asked, barely containing his laughter before slipping his hand back into your chest, heart with it. There was the blinding pain again and then it was over. He traced his fingers lightly over the seems of the damage and knit them back together, your chest heaving. Your top and skin were soaked with blood and you were far too dizzy.

The god left you and repeated the process on Killian, your pirate seizing and twisting in pain.

When Hades finished, he bounced his share of your heart in his palm, studying it. He handed it back to Persephone, pressing a light kiss to her brow before walking out of the dark courtyard. He disappeared into the stone wall and Persephone opened a hidden cavity in the altar, placing your heart inside. You watched the drawer flash with sealing magic before fading back into the marble.

"When I'm gone, all the enchantments placed on you three will despell and a boat will carry you home." Persephone came to rest a hand against your cheek and you flinced. '"Don't look back, Orpheus, or you'll lose him."

She disappears, leaving laughter behind, and you feel the chains give free, your legs collapsing and depositing you on the cold floor. You hear groans from Regina and Killian as they break free of their bonds, laying there panting. Footsteps come near and Regina's hand are hot against your shaking skin.

You call out for Killian and she hushes you, puling you off the ground as another hand grabs onto you. Despite his injuries, Killian is stronger than you in this moment and helps the queen carry you to the boat waiting for them at the end of the courtyard.

"We've got you, Swan," Killian encourages, supporting you. He presses a quick kiss to your hair but you are too weak to look up at him.

They lay you down in the bottom of the boat, Charon watching it all silently. Regina sits closest to him, leaving Killian to climb in and settle beside you, arm going around your middle and pulling you to him. It hurts to move but you welcome the nearness. You won't open your eyes as the boat begins to rock, moving throat the water and through worlds.

Lights and darkness flash behind your eyelids as you breath in Killian, hand palming your chest as you pull up under the Toll Bridge. Regina sighs heavily and inhales the living world. The air is thicker than it was below and your chest heaves. It's just past sunrise, Killian tells you as he stands and lifts you, Regina helping pull you out of the boat and onto the grass.

Charon is gone immediately, fading into morning mist and you open your eyes again to Killian's concerned face.

As expected, your mother will not let you simply go back to your house with Killian, instead forcing the both of you into your old bed at the loft. The quilt is soft and you regret ruining it with your bloody self.

After hours of letting your mother and pirate fuss over you, your head is still fuzzy and your chest aches painfully, the skin scarred from Hades' assault. You are clean of all the grime and crimson the puckered skin sticks out against your freckles and pale breasts. Killian is next to you, arms holding you against his chest.

He's been able to sleep but you are still awake, staring at his bruised face. One of his eyes is swollen and his bare chest is covered in healed over lacerations. He has a matching mark over his heart from Hades and you wish you could kiss it without causing him any pain. He looks peaceful for once since Camelot and you breathe in his scent.

It's near four in the morning but you can hear your father pacing around with Neal bouncing in his arms, your brother fighting a cold and cranky. He'd barely recognized you once all the blood was gone, your broken body taped haphazardly back together.

Regina had repaired your borken ribs and healed as much as she could with magic, but both you and Killian were still covered in wounds and sores.

"Swan," you watch him open an eye partially, glancing down at you. There's a dim lamp casting light over your face and you watch the shadows on his move as he turns to lay on his back, pulling you further onto his chest. "I can hear your thoughts in my dreams. Have you slept at all?"

You place a hand on his jaw and softly scratch his stubble. He smiles sleepily, squeezing you and humming. It is almost blissful, his behaviour, and it is so foreign after so many weeks on opposing sides. You kiss him softly and rest against his cheeks.

"I love you," you whisper against his mouth and he returns the sentiment, kissing you more fervently. It had been only days without him and yet it felt like a lifetime and you almost forgot that kissing Killian Jones was like drowning. It fills you with warmth and you smile fully for the first time since your curse.


End file.
